This Momma’s Heart

Stephanie Howell has a challenge on her blog to “blog your heart.” That is a scary challenge. Sharing the reality of your life always is. But I like real. I don’t live in a world of rainbows, unicorns, and glitter (except on some of the girls clothes – Thanks Justice!). I live a real life.

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So, here’s what’s on my heart, right now:

I try really, really hard to balance myself. To strike just the right chord between “fun-mom” and “down-to-business mom.” It’s hard. It’s really hard. It’s especially hard when I am trying to be fun Mom and the kids act like brats and I have to be business mom.

I worry that I make my kids do too many chores or maybe not enough chores. Will they ever be responsible?

Monkey bars

I worry that we don’t spend enough time outside. Or maybe too much (skin cancer, you know).

I worry that we don’t do enough fun stuff. Or maybe too many fun things. They could get spoiled.

I worry that I am too relaxed. Or not relaxed enough.

I am a worrier by nature. Give me a situation and I can name 40 of the possible worst case scenarios. And my oh my, has having kids made me worse! I try to hide it. I do. My kids would be permanently scarred if they knew what I worried about.

So, what’s on my heart is that I want to spend more time being “fun-mom” and less time being “worrier-mom.” More “in-the-moment-mom” and less “prepare-for-the-zombie-apocolypse-mom.” More “sure-you-can-use-glitter-today-mom” and less “how-will-I-ever-clean-all-this-up-mom.”

It’s a daily struggle. I win some, I lose some. Sometimes I feel like I did just the right thing for the moment and other times, I look back and roll my eyes at myself. It all goes by so quickly.

Playground

So, what’s on your heart?

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34 thoughts on “This Momma’s Heart

  1. […] Momma Heart: I struggle sometimes, knowing if I am doing the right things as a Mom for my kids. […]

  2. Alexandra says:

    I think we all have that niggling worrier mum in us somewhere. I always try to be in the moment mum, sometimes I have off weeks where we just chill out but generally I love to look back and feel happy with what we have done over the last week. I try to go to a new (free or cheap) place every week and just have a bit of variety. You never know who you might meet or what you might come across. This week I took my daughter to a museum and when we came out there was a live street concert outside. It was such a nice unexpected surprise. (Plus you know things never turn out as bad as you think they will right!?!) Happy SITS day
    http://myfroley.blogspot.com

    • Candy says:

      Thanks for stopping by! I am trying to be more in the moment, but currently the heat has completely ZAPPED me!

  3. triciaraisinghumans says:

    Happy SITS day! I know exactly how you feel – this balance is so hard to strike. But when you’re living in the moment, more glitter is never a bad thing 😉

  4. ilene says:

    This is such an honest look into what I think most of us go through on a daily basis. And I love your conclusion. TRUTH!

  5. Happy Sits Day!! Love this post I am the exact same way. Always trying to hold a balance in my “mom” life and always telling myself I should be doing better. =)

  6. Co-Pilot Mom says:

    I know exactly have you feel. I am constantly thinking about what I did, what I should do, or what I should have done. I think about balance all the time.

  7. ashleyinnc says:

    I absolutely LOVE this post. I have something similar coming out next week, because like you, I feel the same way…all the time! Happy SITS day! 🙂

    • Candy says:

      Oooooh! I’ll have to stop by and read that! It is one of my greatest struggles and I love reading others perspectives about it!

  8. Pamela says:

    Happy SITS day!
    I know exactly how you feel and can totally relate to this post! I think my least favorite thing about being a mommy is the guilt and worry that can come along with it, even though sometimes unnecessary. I think as long as are trying our best instead of kicking ourselves down for when things go wrong or we dont get everything done, we can enjoy the ups and downs of Mommyhood so much more. It is a struggle definitely!
    Great post!!! Glad to have found your blog through SITS!

  9. Happy SITS Day! This is a wonderful post. I really appreciate your honesty and the wording of the struggle that I think all of us share. I think when you follow your heart it turns out okay! Or, at least I hope so!

  10. Happy SITS! I worry about the same things, and I only have one 11-month-old, so I don’t even have to worry about chores and discipline yet! I hope I can strike a good balance, like you’re doing.

  11. misssrobin says:

    I see in your photos happy and healthy children. You are doing a fabulous job! You love them and they know it. Everything else will be fine.

  12. sjskill says:

    Happy SITS day. As a mother whose three girls were all teenagers at the same time I know the worry factor to the nth degree. I think you may be more balanced than you think. So now you need to stop worrying about worrying. Loved the piece. You definitely can write.

  13. I worry about the same things too constantly! If I’m doing right by my kids and how to balance it all. I must say though that down-to-business mom is my least favorite role!

  14. Karen says:

    Stopping by from SITS, what a heartwarming post. I think we all worry as moms, it’s only cause we want the best for our kids. If your kids are happy, truly happy, then you did your best for them.

  15. I completely relate!!! I worry about everything with my kids too – I have to remind myself that as long as I show them love, that’s what matters most!!

  16. Sigh… what’s on my heart today is knowing that I wish I was still a WAHM mom.

  17. {Kathy} You sound SO NORMAL to me. I wrote a post that I think you could relate to called “I Will Never Be Enough. Thank God.” http://motheringfromscratch.com/2012/07/05/i-will-never-be-enough-thank-god/…..check it out and tell me what you think. I’m curious.

  18. Wow, can I relate to this! I think all moms feel this way though. Like you, my tendency to worry has become so much more pronounced since my daughter was born, but that seems natural. We put our whole hearts into keeping our children safe, well-adjusted, and happy, so there’s a lot to worry about. Thanks for sharing, and Happy SITS Day!

    – Evanthia

  19. bonnie says:

    great post! happy sits day:)

  20. My mom always says I’ll be a worrier when I get older and have kids, and then I silently pray to God that I will never be the kind of parent my mother was to me. I can understand the impulse of worrying, I get it, too, but my mom is worried to the point where negativity is her primary outlook on life and it’s affected me in ways both good and bad. Judging from the pictures your kids seem like so happy, and it sounds like you try to do the best you can by them, and I respect that. I imagine it is enormously hard figuring out how to parent in a way that will teach your kids respect, discipline, and responsibility, and I know I will probably want to worry all the time about my kids if and when I have them. But it is something I’ll try not to do too much, even though it can be so easy to fret over everything involving the little people you give birth to. I think it’s good that you’re trying to be more positive. My mom never was, and that is something I don’t want my kids to experience from me in the future. Congrats on your SITS day!

  21. Dorothy says:

    These kinds of poignant posts are the hardest for me to write. We feel so many things when we mommies talk about children, so we have plenty of material… I guess that’s why they are so difficult for me.. it gets overwhelming when you have so many thoughts all at once. Congratulations on being SITS featured blogger!

  22. Whitney says:

    Happy SITS Day! I know I’m late, moving has taken meout of the loop. I’m a worrier too about all things, I try to handle it with faith.

  23. Happy SITS!! Thank you so much for being so honest with your post! I am constantly struggling with whether or not I am doing the “right” thing as a mom. I think we are all a little unsure when it comes to the whole mommy thing. I doubt myself constantly and the only thing that makes me feel better is when I know other moms feel the same way. So thank you!!!

  24. Happy SITS Day! I love this challenge! Letting your readers inside. I love the honesty, and in this case completely relate. Balance as a Mom can be so hard sometimes.

  25. mamatracey says:

    I think we’ve all been there, Candy. My boys are still young and I’m terrified that I’m going to wake up in a few years and realize I missed it because I spent too much time worrying about not missing it! If you figure it out, be sure to share it with the rest of us. In the meantime, take it one day at a time and stay strong!

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